In The Dark Tower series there is artificial intelligence, colorful glass balls that are similar to cameras,and advanced technology that reflect today’s society.
The "dark tower series" is supportive evidence to your claim. Your claim is that today's society reflects dystopian societies within fictional literature. You need a variety of evidence to support your claim not just one piece of fictional literature.
Will is correct. This is stating that one book is similar to today's society, when in fact the prompt is asking you to do the opposite. The way it is written, there is NO way you'd be able to incorporate literature from class.
In The Dark Tower series, as well as literatures from class, there is artificial intelligence in the form of robots, colorful glass balls that are similar to cameras and advanced technology like iPhones that reflect today's society.
Today’s society is not reflective of a dystopia because we as citizens still retain the rights of ourselves, our speech, and our authority within the government.
You have a clear statement but no literary evidence to support your claim. You might want to re-word your claim the wording is odd. Never say "I believe" in an argumentative essay state your claim as an accurate fact.
Society today reflects literary dystopias by the government watching society, technology changing the mindset of society, and the government controlling major life decisions.
As Peter said, I like how you restated the question and put in your three main points. I would also like to point out that your reasons are also very well put. It makes me want to read your paper because I want to know how each of these are happening. Great job.
Today’s society is a reflection of societies found in literary dystopias because mass production is becoming complex and more common like in A Brave New World, most people are willing to watch other people die on television like in The Hunger Games, and equality is becoming an issue due to social media.
Yes today’s society is a dystopia because people are treated inhumanly for disabilities and society tries to make people perfect, they hide away any flaws or imperfections and people are being modified and watched.
You need a comma after yes, but otherwise, I think it's pretty good. What do you mean that they hide away any flaws or imperfections, though? Who's they?
Yes, today’s society is a dystopia because people judge each other to hide flaws of there own, people are treated inhumanly for disabilities, and people are being modified and watched.
Our society is turning into a dystopia from the result of the use of products to feel better, the ability to be watched, and technology overpowering the people.
Does America’s society reflect on the dystopia from “A Brave New World”?? In some ways it does it does, for example; The US government can watch us through our TVs when they turn on the camera without the owner knowing, and the IRS is watching us online by using social media sites
I would take out the first sentence because it's a question. And ''it does'' is put in there twice so i would take one of them out also. But other than that it looks good!
Modern day society is a reflection of dystopias within our own literature work because governments are becoming more restrictive, cameras are being used to invade privacy, and the increase in globalization within today’s society.
Modern day society is a reflection of dystopias within our own literature because governments are becoming more restrictive, cameras are being used to invade privacy, and the increase in globalization within today’s society.
The United States of America is on the threshold of a dystopian society because some American teens are participating in a deadly knockout game, the American government is monitoring citizens, and the government is trying to handicap citizens through lack of education.
It is a very strong thesis, but my only worry is your first point of evidence seems a little difficult to do since there may not be a lot of evidence to support it. Yet if you can effectively do it I see no problem in it.
The United States of America is on the threshold of a dystopian society because some American teens are participating in a fight to the death game, the American government is monitoring citizens, and the government is trying to handicap citizens through lack of education.
The United States is unfortunately turning into a distopia because of the culture in different states, government watching the people, and citizens being born into certain social classes.
I really like your thesis. "distopia" is spelled "Dystopia." I think you could elaborate on "culture in different states." It is still unclear to the reader.
Instead of writing that the USA is turning into a dystopia, mention that because of the similarities, the dystopian novels are a reflection of modern society. I really liked your evidence for the prompt though.
Dystopian societies are not a reflection of modern societies because of the differences in ideas of child treatment, the use of drugs in society, and the public view of death.
The dystopias we read like ‘Brave New World’ are eerily similar to the society we live in today by the change of our social mobility and less connection to religion and nature.
Your thesis statement clearly states that you think that dystopian societies are similar to modern societies. To make your thesis stronger, you should probably add a third reason as to why you think this.
The dystopias like ‘Brave New World’ are eerily similar to the society lived in today by the change of our social mobility, less connection to religion and nature, and control of the citizen rights.
Is today’s society a reflection of a literary distopia? Before answering this question think about your life in detail. How many cameras do you see every day on your way to work, or even at work? Many people think feel like they are constantly being watched. This causes them to snap and have a mental breakdown. As a result they are sent to a mental hospital and labeled as insane. Labeled insane even though they are right. We are constantly being watched weather by some sort of camera, satellite, or even fellow man. The famous quote “Big brother is watching” has never been more true than in today’s world. The same characteristics in a literary distopia can be found in the world that we actually live in.
Rephrase the fourth sentence, you used think and feel. Just a few punctuation errors. Also, change the weather to whether. Try and explain that quote, because some people may not know what it means. Otherwise, very good.
In many ways, yes, today’s society is a reflection of the dystopias found in literature such as A Brave New World and The Hunger Games, because of our substance abuse, voluntary euthanization, and attempts at cloning.
I need help with my thesis but here you go. Contrasting today society with literary dystopias. In The Brave New World they keep books away from the children to keep them dumb down and not know about anything better than what they have, just the same as North Korea does with their people.
Focus more on the question. Is today's society a reflection of societies found in literary dystopias? Also, give more examples, at least 3. Using better vocabulary would help your thesis, too. Tell how exactly North Korea does this, be specific.
You could elaborate on how specifically North Korea does this. You could also add more evidence that specifically answers how our society either reflects or contrasts with literary dystopias. Also, you can be more broad by exploring other literary dystopias, and providing examples of other reflections besides dumbing people down.
Although this degree of utter control in a society has not yet been displayed in America, there can clearly be seen many warning signs of the potential for this to occur, such as increased security measures, global acceptance of certain drug use, and the insularity of elite Americans.
Although this degree of utter control in a society has not yet been displayed in America, there can clearly be seen many warning signs of the potential for this to occur, such as increased security measures, global acceptance of certain drug use, and the insularity of elite Americans.
Today’s society is a reflection of societies found in literary dystopias because the government can monitor our every move, workers go underpaid to work for several hours, and now our personal liberties are being taking away.
Good thesis, I would suggest revising the first sentence to something like 'Today's society reflects those found in literary dystopias by...', but its good either way, and you have strong evidence.
Our society is not a reflection of a dystopia because we have more liberties than are present in dystopian society does not have, we are less controlled, and still experience our own rights.
THESIS: Hence, this paper will channel how our society today is bringing forth aspects of a dystopia because of: cell phone companies putting tracking devices in their phones, the torturing of 10 teenagers in Syria, and how the NSA monitors phone calls, messages, and social media.
Today’s American society shows qualities and traits of literary distopias, our government has the power to monitor us at all time, we tend to focus more time and money on celebrities, and we have little to no control over what we say or do
It's a good thesis and has good points; however, the way it is worded is kind of confusing I believe there is a better way of arranging it. What I suggest is to have someone read it to you out loud so you can hear it and make the changes that are necessary. Also you have a few minor grammar mistakes but other than that it is a really solid thesis.
Your thesis is structured very well. However, my only worry is whether government and fashion could be too broad of a term to use? Like you said in my own, I think you should describe these into more detail either in your thesis or later on throughout. Otherwise it is great!
These novels of dystopias have reflected through today’s society through visible barriers between social classes, drugging the populace, and a tyranny of happiness in the government.
It's very good and strong but my only suggestion would be that further in your writing or possibly in your thesis describe these "visible barriers" because if I were the reader I would not know what they were.
It's great, but I think you should choose a certain society to look at because societies in America are different than they are in say the Middle East. I also disagree with the above reply because it seems like you explained visible barriers when you went on saying "between social classes, drugging the populace..."
America’s society today and way of life when compared to certain dystopian novels has many similarities such as government control, classes, and stress relieving conditions.
I like your supporting details when referring to the control and especially the stress relieving conditions. I'm not quite sure what you mean by classes but it seems very interesting. Most of it looks very good, however, try not to use the word similarities much because it is too broad of a term to use in a thesis. Overall it looks good.
America’s society today and way of life reflects certain dystopian novels through aspects such as government control, community ranking, and stress relieving conditions.
Concerning the spread of new technology, ideas, legal rights and freedoms, America’s society does not resemble or reflect the societies found in literary dystopias.
This is really good, but try starting the sentence with a words other than "Concerning". Maybe even "The spread of new technology, ideas, legal rights and freedoms in the American society does not resemble or reflect societies found in literary dystopias.
You should add some more evidence and I wouldn't say " ... to reflect a dystopia" I would say The american society is beginning to a reflect a dystopian way of life... " or something like that. But other than that, good!:D
Technology, is it good or bad for society? will it turn societies into dystopians? Some critics say that it is bad for the societies around the world. but others say the more technology improve around the world the more society improves around the world. so who is right. there's only one way to tell compare the two by using books and real world events. why should our societies be worried about technology turning our world into a dystopian? Is our society turning into a dystopia?
This can be improved, try summing up what you said in that paragraph in one sentence. Don't use so many questions, you're not asking the reader you're persuading them so you answer the questions.
P.S: Please capitalize and use correct punctuation!
Today’s society is a reflection of societies found in literary dystopias because many live in a dehumanized state, we are distrusting of the natural world, and our lives are uniform.
Today’s society is a reflection of a literary dystopia because the government watches our every move, we revolve our life around peoples death, children are forced into armies, also our government brainwashes us to get what they want.
You have four points so you can combine two if you want... Otherwise, you will end up having to write four paragraphs. Instead of saying "the government watches our every move," you could use an overall statement like 'the government is over-controlling in our lives'
Try to avoid the use of "our." I agree with Taylor that it would probably be a good idea to put two points together unless this is how you want to do it. If you do the four points, instead of saying "also" for the last point say "and" or another linking word. The also makes it a run-on sentence. Your support is very specific and I haven't seen anything like it! You did a really good job on establishing those points!
In Vitro Fertilization, the explosion of technological use, and drug use in the United States make our world today extremely similar to literary dystopias. 12/5/13
The wording needs to be revised to make the statement flow more. Did you mean "explosion" or expulsion? What kind of drug use in the United States? Your first point is very specific! Well done! Try to make your other to points a little bit more specific. Try not to use "our world." Use "the world" or something else instead. You could also try to incorporate higher level vocabulary. Your three points are very strong! A little bit of tinkering, and you'll have a very strong thesis statement!
Today’s society shows some very similar characteristics of a literary dystopia because of the way our government can spy or hack into our technology ,_____, and ______.
Insert "to that" after characteristics, so it would be to that of a literary distopia. Maybe use a different wording with "the way our government can spy or hack out technology" You could use government control, or government spying? All in all you have a great start!
Your first supporting point is good, its a good start into your thesis. Your first reason I could see as being very good because there are many ways to support that. What kind of society are you talking about also?
Today's American Society is a reflection of literary dystopias because the government is controlling, people are trying to be perfect and technology is taking over.
I feel you have a very strong starting point but I think you could explain a little more with your evidence such as what do you mean by the government is controlling and people are trying to be perfect, I don't quite know what you exactly mean by this so adding a little more I think would help.
-Controlling in what way? -You could use a better wording for "people are trying to be perfect" -Is technology trying to kill us or is it controlling our lives? Specify.
Modern society reflects many literary dystopias because of censorship in places like the Internet, uniformity of ideas, and prospering economy in the capital.
I think that it's a good thesis statement but you could use some more upper level vocabulary. I agree with Carly, what modern society? Other wise, really good job.
Society is like a literacy dystopia because the government is monitoring us, people are being forced to have a certain job for their entire life, and ________________.
-Literary* -People can change their jobs... A McDonald's worker could go back to school and get a higher degree to get a new job. -Uniformity is something that you could talk about as your third point. -I think that you could use some higher level language in your statement.
I think you meant to say "a literal dystopia" It should be a little more specific, but I know that you're still working on it, so I think it's quite alright.
&&&When you find the literal comparison, I think that should be in your thesis as well though I'm not sure
Modern society compares to literary dystopias because of class division, body modification/changes to the body, and the use of drugs for recreational purposes and temporary happiness.
You don't need the "to the body" in "body modification/changes to the body" because you already stated that the modifications were to the body (I'm sorry if that doesn't make any sense). Class division where? Do you mean in general or in specific countries? Other than that, I think yours is really good- I don't think you need to explain it more. Excellent vocabulary, Maria! Great work! :)
Due to government control, brainwashing of citizens, and citizens have their basic rights taken away, modern society is, in fact, a reflection of various literary dystopias.
I think when you say "brainwashing" citizens, this is a bit too biased. What is brainwashing? I think you should put this in more unbiased terms because some people may not believe that citizens are getting brainwashed. Maybe put something like citizens are losing their memory or thinking abilities due to the government? Overall, I like your thesis and your support that they have their basic rights taken away because this is true.
I agree with Maria on the connotation of brainwashing. Other than that, it is a very strong thesis. I like how you put your supports in front of the argument. Keep up the good work!
Maybe for your last topic, you could talk about how modern society is very dependent on technology use (and then you could use statistics from that cellphone article we read in class or find statistics on the Internet), or maybe how some parents today discipline their children in harsh ways (and then you can compare it to A Brave New World and how the babies were shocked when approaching the books). I think you should also reword it a bit and use stronger vocabulary in order for your thesis to be even better. Do you mean a reflection of literary dystopias? I like where you're going, Erika, keep it up! :)
I like the one that maja gave you because she actually gave you really good feedback. Also she gave you some really good examples on the what you needed help with. But also i like the way that you have started, also i agree with what she gave you to help you.
Our Society isn't like a literary dystopia because we have more liberties than are present in dystopian society does not have, we are less controlled, and still experience our own rights.
Modern day society is turning into a literary dystopia due to the result of the use of products to feel a certain way, the ability to be watched by the government, and technology becoming the main priority.
You have a very good starter with very good reasons. Then you stated what you had to discuss in your three reasons. You might need some more detail on what your talking about.
By constantly watching the citizens in the US, letting bullies continue to torment other children in public schools, and allowing the idea of complete equality to destroy the American government, the United States of America are slowly but surely turning into the dystopias many people are reading about today.
I really like your approach on this simply because it didn't even come to my mind. I don't know if you're supposed to have the book comparison in the thesis or not? So... You may be missing the book comparison part.
You switched from US to America to the United States of America, and that keeps it from getting redundant.
The world is a literary dystopia because the Chinese and Korean government can forcibly watch their people as if the giver has became real life, many governments won't share everything they do and conspiracies made in a pale white horse are created for their secrets, thirdly, the government hides even what people consume as a secret to keep food costs low and change the way nature works like in A brave new world.
Cheyann :) You have an awesome thesis with really good support. You could probably use a better word than "giver" in the second line and because "A Brave New World" is a book title you'll need to capitalize every word in it; other than that its a pretty good thesis statement.
How we are living in today’s society is a reflection of those literary dystopias, which is made evident in our lines in social classes/discrimination, our obsession with body image and fame, and_____________.
I like where it says "our obsession with body image and fame," I saw that it really makes me think that is what most of society is. That is what the focus on in today's society. The "social classes/discrimination" is what society is like too.
I agree with Morgan! You need to state what you mean by "Our", and give specific evidence on your reasonings. Besides those two things, you should be good!
Today’s society is a reflection of societies found in literary distopias. For example: The Hunger Games, and The Pedestrian. A literary dystopia is a futuristic, imagined universe in which oppressive societal control and the illusion of a perfect society are maintained through corporate, bureaucratic, technological, moral, or totalitarian control. Dystopias, through an exaggerated worst-case scenario, make a criticism about a current trend, societal norm, or political system.
This is more of an introductory paragraph. Keep your thesis statement simple but with evidence. I'd suggest keeping your first sentence, add your supporting evidence, and there you go.
America is rapidly becoming a dystopia even though many have yet to notice it. Security has increased immensely and the government can trace your calls hack into your blogs or any online site you may be apart of without notification. They keep you in the dark about how exactly your food is created and what all is in it.
Today’s society is a reflection of dystopian societies found in literature because we are sending troops to get massacred in a war like The Hunger Games, mass production is becoming more known, and equality is becoming rarer because of the disadvantages of Twitter and Facebook .
You also need to include at least one book we read in class. Try using A Brave New World. You can find lots of examples to compare it to today's society.
Follow Cody's suggestions: Using two more supporting statements will help a lot. "An unacceptable degree" is fairly vague but okay if you support it well in your essay.
I think you meant to saying society is a 'literal dystopia' You have three valid points, but none of the points have any book support, so there's no way of telling where the paper goes.
Yes, i believe our present day society is similar to literary dystopias. From our government system, to technology redefining us - in some ways better than others, we are brought to the conclusion: Society is faced upon many challenges and modern day isn't as happy as some portray it to be.
Society is like a literary dystopia because the government is monitoring people, adults in China are being forced to have a specified job for their entire life, and models are trying to create a fake beauty for themselves.
Today’s people is stuck on three conditions; these are the ability to watch or be watched,use merchandise to feel better, and having this control all of society and this is exactly what is turning society into a dystopia.
In The Dark Tower series there is artificial intelligence, colorful glass balls that are similar to cameras,and advanced technology that reflect today’s society.
ReplyDeleteCould you go more in depth? Use better transition language. And explain what they are. Artificial intelligence?
Deleteits is a good thesis but it is a little broad.
DeleteThe "dark tower series" is supportive evidence to your claim. Your claim is that today's society reflects dystopian societies within fictional literature. You need a variety of evidence to support your claim not just one piece of fictional literature.
DeleteWill is correct. This is stating that one book is similar to today's society, when in fact the prompt is asking you to do the opposite. The way it is written, there is NO way you'd be able to incorporate literature from class.
DeleteIn The Dark Tower series, as well as literatures from class, there is artificial intelligence in the form of robots, colorful glass balls that are similar to cameras and advanced technology like iPhones that reflect today's society.
DeleteToday’s society is not reflective of a dystopia because we as citizens still retain the rights of ourselves, our speech, and our authority within the government.
ReplyDeleteThis is good.
DeleteI agree, this is very strong and is very clear and easy to understand.
DeleteShort and explains your point very well.
DeleteYes, I do believe that today’s society is a reflection of societies found in literary dystopias.
ReplyDeleteYou have a clear statement but no literary evidence to support your claim. You might want to re-word your claim the wording is odd. Never say "I believe" in an argumentative essay state your claim as an accurate fact.
DeleteI agree with the above comment. Make sure you get your 3 main points in the statement
DeleteSociety today reflects literary dystopias by the government watching society, technology changing the mindset of society, and the government controlling major life decisions.
ReplyDeleteGood job at restating the question and putting in your three main points.
DeleteAs Peter said, I like how you restated the question and put in your three main points. I would also like to point out that your reasons are also very well put. It makes me want to read your paper because I want to know how each of these are happening. Great job.
DeleteToday’s society is a reflection of societies found in literary dystopias because mass production is becoming complex and more common like in A Brave New World, most people are willing to watch other people die on television like in The Hunger Games, and equality is becoming an issue due to social media.
ReplyDeleteI like the points you have made. Your statment is strong.
DeleteYou have a strong thesis statement because the points you made are good.
DeleteYes today’s society is a dystopia because people are treated inhumanly for disabilities and society tries to make people perfect, they hide away any flaws or imperfections and people are being modified and watched.
ReplyDeleteYou need a comma after yes, but otherwise, I think it's pretty good. What do you mean that they hide away any flaws or imperfections, though? Who's they?
DeleteI agree with Ashley, you do need a comma after 'yes', but other than that it's fine
DeleteYes, today’s society is a dystopia because people judge each other to hide flaws of there own, people are treated inhumanly for disabilities, and people are being modified and watched.
DeleteToday's society is a reflection of a literary dystopia because of the major increases and advances in technology
ReplyDeleteTo make the thesis stronger you could add more supporting details on why you believe that today's society is a reflection of a dystopia.
DeleteDon't use technology as your only example, there are greater aspects for dystopian society.
DeleteOur society is turning into a dystopia from the result of the use of products to feel better, the ability to be watched, and technology overpowering the people.
ReplyDeleteit looks good and you have good supporting reasons
DeleteDoes America’s society reflect on the dystopia from “A Brave New World”?? In some ways it does it does, for example; The US government can watch us through our TVs when they turn on the camera without the owner knowing, and the IRS is watching us online by using social media sites
ReplyDeleteI would take out the first sentence because it's a question. And ''it does'' is put in there twice so i would take one of them out also. But other than that it looks good!
DeleteI suggest that you need another evidence point since you only have two.
DeleteModern day society is a reflection of dystopias within our own literature work because governments are becoming more restrictive, cameras are being used to invade privacy, and the increase in globalization within today’s society.
ReplyDeleteit's good
DeleteThis is a really strong thesis. Fantastic job!!
DeleteModern day society is a reflection of dystopias within our own literature because governments are becoming more restrictive, cameras are being used to invade privacy, and the increase in globalization within today’s society.
DeleteThe United States of America is on the threshold of a dystopian society because some American teens are participating in a deadly knockout game, the American government is monitoring citizens, and the government is trying to handicap citizens through lack of education.
ReplyDeleteIt is a very strong thesis, but my only worry is your first point of evidence seems a little difficult to do since there may not be a lot of evidence to support it. Yet if you can effectively do it I see no problem in it.
DeleteThe United States of America is on the threshold of a dystopian society because some American teens are participating in a fight to the death game, the American government is monitoring citizens, and the government is trying to handicap citizens through lack of education.
DeleteThe United States is unfortunately turning into a distopia because of the culture in different states, government watching the people, and citizens being born into certain social classes.
ReplyDeleteI really like your thesis. "distopia" is spelled "Dystopia." I think you could elaborate on "culture in different states." It is still unclear to the reader.
DeleteInstead of writing that the USA is turning into a dystopia, mention that because of the similarities, the dystopian novels are a reflection of modern society. I really liked your evidence for the prompt though.
DeleteDystopian societies are not a reflection of modern societies because of the differences in ideas of child treatment, the use of drugs in society, and the public view of death.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very strong and well written thesis statement.
DeleteThis is a very good thesis and it is well written. I like how you used ideas of why that support your idea
DeleteThe dystopias we read like ‘Brave New World’ are eerily similar to the society we live in today by the change of our social mobility and less connection to religion and nature.
ReplyDeleteYour thesis statement clearly states that you think that dystopian societies are similar to modern societies. To make your thesis stronger, you should probably add a third reason as to why you think this.
DeleteYou should try to keep the personal aspect out of it. Using words like I or we make the argument more opinion based instead of factual evidence.
DeleteThe dystopias like ‘Brave New World’ are eerily similar to the society lived in today by the change of our social mobility, less connection to religion and nature, and control of the citizen rights.
DeleteIs today’s society a reflection of a literary distopia? Before answering this question think about your life in detail. How many cameras do you see every day on your way to work, or even at work? Many people think feel like they are constantly being watched. This causes them to snap and have a mental breakdown. As a result they are sent to a mental hospital and labeled as insane. Labeled insane even though they are right. We are constantly being watched weather by some sort of camera, satellite, or even fellow man. The famous quote “Big brother is watching” has never been more true than in today’s world. The same characteristics in a literary distopia can be found in the world that we actually live in.
ReplyDelete*whether
DeleteThis thesis is a good thesis on answering the question yet it could be stronger. Try adding why the characteristics are the same
DeleteRephrase the fourth sentence, you used think and feel. Just a few punctuation errors. Also, change the weather to whether. Try and explain that quote, because some people may not know what it means. Otherwise, very good.
DeleteIn many ways, yes, today’s society is a reflection of the dystopias found in literature such as A Brave New World and The Hunger Games, because of our substance abuse, voluntary euthanization, and attempts at cloning.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that I can see that's wrong with this is that there should be quotations around the title's of stories. Other than that good job (^_^)
DeleteI don't really like "in many ways" at the beginning, but other than that its really good.
DeleteI need help with my thesis but here you go. Contrasting today society with literary dystopias. In The Brave New World they keep books away from the children to keep them dumb down and not know about anything better than what they have, just the same as North Korea does with their people.
ReplyDeleteFocus more on the question. Is today's society a reflection of societies found in literary dystopias? Also, give more examples, at least 3. Using better vocabulary would help your thesis, too. Tell how exactly North Korea does this, be specific.
DeleteYou could elaborate on how specifically North Korea does this. You could also add more evidence that specifically answers how our society either reflects or contrasts with literary dystopias. Also, you can be more broad by exploring other literary dystopias, and providing examples of other reflections besides dumbing people down.
DeleteAlthough this degree of utter control in a society has not yet been displayed in America, there can clearly be seen many warning signs of the potential for this to occur, such as increased security measures, global acceptance of certain drug use, and the insularity of elite Americans.
ReplyDeleteYour thesis is really good. I like how you stated it with bigger vocabulary words.
DeleteI agree with the comment above, your thesis is really strong and will make to a great start to your paper
DeleteAlthough this degree of utter control in a society has not yet been displayed in America, there can clearly be seen many warning signs of the potential for this to occur, such as increased security measures, global acceptance of certain drug use, and the insularity of elite Americans.
DeleteToday’s society is a reflection of societies found in literary dystopias because the government can monitor our every move, workers go underpaid to work for several hours, and now our personal liberties are being taking away.
ReplyDeleteGood thesis, I would suggest revising the first sentence to something like 'Today's society reflects those found in literary dystopias by...', but its good either way, and you have strong evidence.
Deletei like this! even though i am against your argument, i really like your reasoning.
DeleteOur society is not a reflection of a dystopia because we have more liberties than are present in dystopian society does not have, we are less controlled, and still experience our own rights.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good start and lists all your reasons, however more detail wouldn't hurt, but good start!
DeleteTHESIS: Hence, this paper will channel how our society today is bringing forth aspects of a dystopia because of: cell phone companies putting tracking devices in their phones, the torturing of 10 teenagers in Syria, and how the NSA monitors phone calls, messages, and social media.
ReplyDeleteI really like how this uses a fact. it will give the paper a strong start.
DeleteI like the facts you used. It makes a strong argument.
DeleteToday’s American society shows qualities and traits of literary distopias, our government has the power to monitor us at all time, we tend to focus more time and money on celebrities, and we have little to no control over what we say or do
ReplyDeleteIt's a good thesis and has good points; however, the way it is worded is kind of confusing I believe there is a better way of arranging it. What I suggest is to have someone read it to you out loud so you can hear it and make the changes that are necessary. Also you have a few minor grammar mistakes but other than that it is a really solid thesis.
DeleteThe world today has aspects that can be seen in many literary dystopias: things such as fashion, government, or social aspects of the society.
ReplyDeleteI like the points you made. It makes a strong statement
DeleteYour thesis is structured very well. However, my only worry is whether government and fashion could be too broad of a term to use? Like you said in my own, I think you should describe these into more detail either in your thesis or later on throughout. Otherwise it is great!
DeleteThese novels of dystopias have reflected through today’s society through visible barriers between social classes, drugging the populace, and a tyranny of happiness in the government.
ReplyDeleteIt's very good and strong but my only suggestion would be that further in your writing or possibly in your thesis describe these "visible barriers" because if I were the reader I would not know what they were.
DeleteIt's great, but I think you should choose a certain society to look at because societies in America are different than they are in say the Middle East. I also disagree with the above reply because it seems like you explained visible barriers when you went on saying "between social classes, drugging the populace..."
DeleteAmerica’s society today and way of life when compared to certain dystopian novels has many similarities such as government control, classes, and stress relieving conditions.
ReplyDeleteI like your supporting details when referring to the control and especially the stress relieving conditions. I'm not quite sure what you mean by classes but it seems very interesting. Most of it looks very good, however, try not to use the word similarities much because it is too broad of a term to use in a thesis. Overall it looks good.
DeleteGood evidence!! Make sure to add commas though...
DeleteAmerica’s society today and way of life reflects certain dystopian novels through aspects such as government control, community ranking, and stress relieving conditions.
DeleteConcerning the spread of new technology, ideas, legal rights and freedoms, America’s society does not resemble or reflect the societies found in literary dystopias.
ReplyDeleteGreat, it has everything it needs!
DeleteThis is really good, but try starting the sentence with a words other than "Concerning". Maybe even "The spread of new technology, ideas, legal rights and freedoms in the American society does not resemble or reflect societies found in literary dystopias.
DeleteThe American society is beginning to reflect a dystopia because they are limiting what people can do with your own body.
ReplyDeleteYou should add some more evidence and I wouldn't say " ... to reflect a dystopia" I would say The american society is beginning to a reflect a dystopian way of life... " or something like that. But other than that, good!:D
DeleteGood start but what are the three points. The Reject Photographer
DeleteTechnology, is it good or bad for society? will it turn societies into dystopians? Some critics say that it is bad for the societies around the world. but others say the more technology improve around the world the more society improves around the world. so who is right. there's only one way to tell compare the two by using books and real world events. why should our societies be worried about technology turning our world into a dystopian? Is our society turning into a dystopia?
ReplyDeleteThis can be improved, try summing up what you said in that paragraph in one sentence. Don't use so many questions, you're not asking the reader you're persuading them so you answer the questions.
DeleteP.S: Please capitalize and use correct punctuation!
You need to capitalize your words at the beginning of your sentences. Where is the thesis? Try not to ask as many questions, either.
DeleteZach.... its whether*
ReplyDeleteNice job, Jaclyn! I really like your thesis.
ReplyDelete6th period starts here.
ReplyDeleteToday’s society is a reflection of societies found in literary dystopias because many live in a dehumanized state, we are distrusting of the natural world, and our lives are uniform.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good thesis, I like the 3 points that you have. You use very good very strong vocabulary.
DeleteI like the way your thesis statement is structured, it can be argued. Overall, it's very nice and worded powerfully with good vocabulary.
DeleteToday’s society is a reflection of a literary dystopia because the government watches our every move, we revolve our life around peoples death, children are forced into armies, also our government brainwashes us to get what they want.
ReplyDeleteYou have four points so you can combine two if you want... Otherwise, you will end up having to write four paragraphs. Instead of saying "the government watches our every move," you could use an overall statement like 'the government is over-controlling in our lives'
DeleteTry to avoid the use of "our." I agree with Taylor that it would probably be a good idea to put two points together unless this is how you want to do it. If you do the four points, instead of saying "also" for the last point say "and" or another linking word. The also makes it a run-on sentence. Your support is very specific and I haven't seen anything like it! You did a really good job on establishing those points!
Deletemake sure you dont use "our" and "us" because that is first person. You could change it to American government or U.S. government.
DeleteTo shorten your supports, I would rephrase it "government control & monitoring, emphasizing death, and children forced into the military. "
Hope this helps!
The controlling government, unnatural processes performed, and the obliviousness of citizens makes today’s society a reflection of literary dystopias.
ReplyDeleteGreat vocab and clear main points, this is a good debatable thesis. Although this is a little too simple it is very clear.
DeleteGreat wording. It flows nicely! I agree it could be a little simple, but maybe that's exactly what fits your essay.
DeleteIn Vitro Fertilization, the explosion of technological use, and drug use in the United States make our world today extremely similar to literary dystopias. 12/5/13
ReplyDeleteThe wording needs to be revised to make the statement flow more. Did you mean "explosion" or expulsion? What kind of drug use in the United States? Your first point is very specific! Well done! Try to make your other to points a little bit more specific. Try not to use "our world." Use "the world" or something else instead. You could also try to incorporate higher level vocabulary. Your three points are very strong! A little bit of tinkering, and you'll have a very strong thesis statement!
DeleteI agree with Taryn that wording could be better to make flow. Try to make points more explained. Your points are very good. Just a little adjusting.
DeleteToday’s society shows some very similar characteristics of a literary dystopia because of the way our government can spy or hack into our technology ,_____, and ______.
ReplyDeleteInsert "to that" after characteristics, so it would be to that of a literary distopia. Maybe use a different wording with "the way our government can spy or hack out technology" You could use government control, or government spying? All in all you have a great start!
DeleteYour first supporting point is good, its a good start into your thesis. Your first reason I could see as being very good because there are many ways to support that. What kind of society are you talking about also?
DeleteToday's American Society is a reflection of literary dystopias because the government is controlling, people are trying to be perfect and technology is taking over.
ReplyDeleteI feel you have a very strong starting point but I think you could explain a little more with your evidence such as what do you mean by the government is controlling and people are trying to be perfect, I don't quite know what you exactly mean by this so adding a little more I think would help.
Delete-Controlling in what way?
Delete-You could use a better wording for "people are trying to be perfect"
-Is technology trying to kill us or is it controlling our lives? Specify.
Modern society reflects many literary dystopias because of censorship in places like the Internet, uniformity of ideas, and prospering economy in the capital.
ReplyDeleteModern Society...of what society?
DeleteThis is a good organization of your three main points that you will be talking about!
DeleteI think that it's a good thesis statement but you could use some more upper level vocabulary. I agree with Carly, what modern society? Other wise, really good job.
DeleteSociety is like a literacy dystopia because the government is monitoring us, people are being forced to have a certain job for their entire life, and ________________.
ReplyDelete-Literary*
Delete-People can change their jobs... A McDonald's worker could go back to school and get a higher degree to get a new job.
-Uniformity is something that you could talk about as your third point.
-I think that you could use some higher level language in your statement.
I think you meant to say "a literal dystopia"
DeleteIt should be a little more specific, but I know that you're still working on it, so I think it's quite alright.
&&&When you find the literal comparison, I think that should be in your thesis as well though I'm not sure
Modern society compares to literary dystopias because of class division, body modification/changes to the body, and the use of drugs for recreational purposes and temporary happiness.
ReplyDeleteThis is really good but you could explain a little more. It's a little to simple but otherwise, you have made a good point.
DeleteYou don't need the "to the body" in "body modification/changes to the body" because you already stated that the modifications were to the body (I'm sorry if that doesn't make any sense). Class division where? Do you mean in general or in specific countries? Other than that, I think yours is really good- I don't think you need to explain it more. Excellent vocabulary, Maria! Great work! :)
DeleteDue to government control, brainwashing of citizens, and citizens have their basic rights taken away, modern society is, in fact, a reflection of various literary dystopias.
ReplyDeleteI think when you say "brainwashing" citizens, this is a bit too biased. What is brainwashing? I think you should put this in more unbiased terms because some people may not believe that citizens are getting brainwashed. Maybe put something like citizens are losing their memory or thinking abilities due to the government? Overall, I like your thesis and your support that they have their basic rights taken away because this is true.
DeleteI agree with Maria on the connotation of brainwashing. Other than that, it is a very strong thesis. I like how you put your supports in front of the argument. Keep up the good work!
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ReplyDeleteSociety today is nearly a reflection literary dystopia because of caste systems, government control, and __________.
ReplyDeleteMaybe for your last topic, you could talk about how modern society is very dependent on technology use (and then you could use statistics from that cellphone article we read in class or find statistics on the Internet), or maybe how some parents today discipline their children in harsh ways (and then you can compare it to A Brave New World and how the babies were shocked when approaching the books). I think you should also reword it a bit and use stronger vocabulary in order for your thesis to be even better. Do you mean a reflection of literary dystopias? I like where you're going, Erika, keep it up! :)
DeleteI like the one that maja gave you because she actually gave you really good feedback. Also she gave you some really good examples on the what you needed help with. But also i like the way that you have started, also i agree with what she gave you to help you.
DeleteOur Society isn't like a literary dystopia because we have more liberties than are present in dystopian society does not have, we are less controlled, and still experience our own rights.
ReplyDeleteTry to avoid "we" and "our" in your thesis statement. I like your supports though! Just try and rephrase it to where you don't use first person.
DeleteI agree with Erika, avoid those words!! Good start though:)
DeleteModern day society is turning into a literary dystopia due to the result of the use of products to feel a certain way, the ability to be watched by the government, and technology becoming the main priority.
ReplyDeleteYou have a very good starter with very good reasons. Then you stated what you had to discuss in your three reasons. You might need some more detail on what your talking about.
DeleteModern day America is like a literary dystopia because we have, in a way, a system of getting kids,
ReplyDeleteToo simple Tiff. You need three main points in your thesis, you only have one. What do you mean a system of getting kids?
DeleteBy constantly watching the citizens in the US, letting bullies continue to torment other children in public schools, and allowing the idea of complete equality to destroy the American government, the United States of America are slowly but surely turning into the dystopias many people are reading about today.
ReplyDeleteI really like your approach on this simply because it didn't even come to my mind. I don't know if you're supposed to have the book comparison in the thesis or not? So... You may be missing the book comparison part.
DeleteYou switched from US to America to the United States of America, and that keeps it from getting redundant.
The world is a literary dystopia because the Chinese and Korean government can forcibly watch their people as if the giver has became real life, many governments won't share everything they do and conspiracies made in a pale white horse are created for their secrets, thirdly, the government hides even what people consume as a secret to keep food costs low and change the way nature works like in A brave new world.
ReplyDeleteCheyann :)
DeleteYou have an awesome thesis with really good support. You could probably use a better word than "giver" in the second line and because "A Brave New World" is a book title you'll need to capitalize every word in it; other than that its a pretty good thesis statement.
i agree with shelby.
DeleteHow we are living in today’s society is a reflection of those literary dystopias, which is made evident in our lines in social classes/discrimination, our obsession with body image and fame, and_____________.
ReplyDeleteI like where it says "our obsession with body image and fame," I saw that it really makes me think that is what most of society is. That is what the focus on in today's society. The "social classes/discrimination" is what society is like too.
Delete"of those literary dystopias" which literary dystopias? Either make that more clear or change the word 'those.'
DeleteOur modern society reflects many literary dystopias due to the government control, ___, & ___.
ReplyDeleteI'd just clarify who "Our" is. After you get your last two reasons it'll be good.
DeleteI agree with Morgan! You need to state what you mean by "Our", and give specific evidence on your reasonings. Besides those two things, you should be good!
DeleteToday’s society is a reflection of societies found in literary distopias. For example: The Hunger Games, and The Pedestrian. A literary dystopia is a futuristic, imagined universe in which oppressive societal control and the illusion of a perfect society are maintained through corporate, bureaucratic, technological, moral, or totalitarian control. Dystopias, through an exaggerated worst-case scenario, make a criticism about a current trend, societal norm, or political system.
ReplyDeleteThis is more of an introductory paragraph. Keep your thesis statement simple but with evidence. I'd suggest keeping your first sentence, add your supporting evidence, and there you go.
DeleteI agree with Danielle just take out some of the information and simplify your thesis
DeleteAmerica is rapidly becoming a dystopia even though many have yet to notice it. Security has increased immensely and the government can trace your calls hack into your blogs or any online site you may be apart of without notification. They keep you in the dark about how exactly your food is created and what all is in it.
ReplyDeleteYou need to add some punctuation. Add a comma after calls, and blogs. Besides that, you should be good!
DeleteToday’s society is a reflection of dystopian societies found in literature because we are sending troops to get massacred in a war like The Hunger Games, mass production is becoming more known, and equality is becoming rarer because of the disadvantages of Twitter and Facebook .
ReplyDeleteThis is good, its dabatiable. You give good examples, and it shows literary examples.
DeleteSociety today shows qualities of a literary dystopia because the Government is monitoring us to an unacceptable degree.
ReplyDeleteA couple more supporting statements would help make your thesis stronger. It will also make your essay a lot easier to write.
DeleteYou also need to include at least one book we read in class. Try using A Brave New World. You can find lots of examples to compare it to today's society.
DeleteFollow Cody's suggestions: Using two more supporting statements will help a lot. "An unacceptable degree" is fairly vague but okay if you support it well in your essay.
DeleteI think you meant to saying society is a 'literal dystopia'
ReplyDeleteYou have three valid points, but none of the points have any book support, so there's no way of telling where the paper goes.
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ReplyDeleteYes, i believe our present day society is similar to literary dystopias. From our government system, to technology redefining us - in some ways better than others, we are brought to the conclusion: Society is faced upon many challenges and modern day isn't as happy as some portray it to be.
ReplyDeleteIf you give your thesis three points it will become much stronger.
ReplyDeleteHow is it becoming a dystopia? Give examples and supporting evidence
ReplyDeleteSociety is like a literary dystopia because the government is monitoring people, adults in China are being forced to have a specified job for their entire life, and models are trying to create a fake beauty for themselves.
ReplyDeleteToday’s people is stuck on three conditions; these are the ability to watch or be watched,use merchandise to feel better, and having this control all of society and this is exactly what is turning society into a dystopia.
ReplyDeleteSociety is turning into a literary dystopia by division of people, constant surveillance, and false sense of equality.
ReplyDelete